Changes

After awhile of not writing, I've come to the conclusion it is a good time to pick up. A lot has happened in my life these few months and I've realized how heartless some individuals can be. I've seen a true side of a person I felt I could trust, and she broke my heart. She revealed secrets that were not her business to reveal. She told my friends and co-workers things so they looked at me with disdain and mistrust. After ending the friendship with the toxic individual and informing my friends as such, they came clean and informed me of all the things she had told them. I only know of two definite cases, and my best friend even admitted she had tried to bring up conversations of what I had told her. Manipulative and calculating, but nonetheless transparent. They sided with me, knowing I wouldn't do anything to hurt anyone, or do something maliciously. Regardless, this sent me into a tail-spin and I was in denial for at least a month. I can now say, with a clear mind that I do not appreciate what she did, nor how it went about, but I wish her the best. Karma is a bitch and will catch up to her, but I understand that the reason she did it is because I had less to lose then she did. A family including a son and husband, she had already lost her job, friends (who no longer speak to her, jokes on her) among other things. Victims will forever play the victim, and will rarely stand out of the muck they make for themselves. Sometimes, you need to realize you have a choice to be a victim, the perpetrator or the one who changes for the better.

I admit, after this happened I was the victim, no ifs, ands or buts about it. My reputation tarnished, and my feelings genuinely hurt. But I moved past whatever she had told others. Today, I'm working to be a happier and better person. I owe a select few, many thanks and I cannot begin to explain how exponentially thankful I am to them. They helped me out of dark hole, that consumed me. I normally am fairly calm, not wrathful or vengeful but during that time I was inconsolable. But that is in the past, and I am trying not to be that person anymore.

Since I last have written, I have also gone on a path of self-discovery. I have realized that I am not nor will ever be like others my age. My mind adapts to ideas that I feel that normal individuals have no interest in. I want to be happy, so in order to achieve happiness I have gone with hobbies that most don't think I'd be interested in. I'm athletic, I'm a stoner, but I also enjoy nerdy things. I read comics and have recently started working at a Comic Stop and am having an absolute blast despite some sexist comments now and then, but other than that I adore the people I work with, I enjoy being around people who are like minded and share similar hobbies and interests. Also, the most liberating feeling one can feel is a complete freedom of care. The feeling of knowing a manager feels they have power over you by threatening you with a job and knowing you can walk away is the best feeling in the world. I now have a safety net, a secured position that I know if I was to walk away from one of my jobs right now, I'd have something to fall back on.

I've become close with so many, and those who love me, love me for me. Not some adaptation of what I should or shouldn't be, I'm a comic book nerd, who plays video games, plays volleyball, swears like a sailor, can't cook and can have intellectual conversations until the sun comes up; I like music that most do not, my family is the most important thing in the world to me with my friends bringing up the rear in close second, I role-play with characters we've developed with a friend across country who I've known for 9-10 years and have only met once, I write, partake of Pagan rituals, read socialist material, while researching secrets from history long since past. In short, I'm me. All angles, I'm not the average 23 year old, and I certainly might be a little odd, but I like me, and its been a long time since I've been able to say that.