In Review

As the saying goes, "When life gives you lemons...make lemonade." This is indeed true, if you think about it, many aspects of our lives change. Things happen, people change; a constant flow of changes occurs in our lives, be it as simple as going a different way to work or trying something different at lunch or dinner. How can we all be so resilient to change when it is such a huge aspect in our lives? We take in the good and resist the bad, is this not true? But if you think about it, bad is a change as well and we deal with it. All I am saying is that even though bad changes we don't appreciate, its still a change that makes us stronger theoretically. Its fascinating to see how changes bring out people's true personalities. I noticed this as a cleaned the house yesterday for 6 1/2 hours. Due to the changes of even my room, I became happier even though to say in the least my room was a complete and total disaster (truly it looked a tornado had been through the middle of my room). But nonetheless, changes such as: debt, children, schooling, graduating, new jobs, losing a job, automobile issues, etc. are all changes we can make it through, all it takes is a little hard work and the determination to get it done.

Astonishing

I had prom this weekend and have been recovering from a very late night since. It's astonishing to me how driven people are to suck any fun out of a room, or out of a good time. My senior prom was ruined due to a moppy depressed junior who only cared about her own well being, or her own night. When we would suggest something as a group she carelessly tossed it aside and it often followed verbal abuse, and profanity that I choose not to repeat for it still annoys me. My last Senior dance that I could spend with my underclassmen friends was ruined because her "boo" wasn't that so she could play tonsil hockey in the back of Union Station...how every song was "gay and annoying and wasn't worth us dancing to." This was three days ago and I'm still upset, I'm learning to deal with it but it leaves a "bitter taste in my mouth" as I realize she has another Prom after this.

I realize that I cannot control others actions especially in situations such as this...I realize that I cannot relive what happened three days ago, but it still pisses me off beyond believe that she would stoop so low as to say I am a b**** and some whore who won't amount to anything. That part doesn't bug me nearly as much as her ruining something I put over $500 into to have a good time. Something that I put a lot of time planning and money into to assure my group would have a good time...I cannot even begin to imagine what would drive someone to bring such negativity to something as fun as a prom...I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting, but I feel better putting it onto writing and not just verbally repeating it over and over and over again.

Mother's Day

Here is a little shout out to all the mom's out there. I realize every year around this time how each mother is essential to the development of their children. I look to my mother as a sense of inspiration and true dedication to her family and her livelihood. She is a symbol of strength and compassion. She has done so much for me over the years and the small things make her happy. I do aspire to be just like her, or be as good of a mom as she has to my children. She has given me the advice to make me push myself so hard for success. I couldn't have gotten where I am today without her. I almost dropped out of school because of some issues and she never let me give up. I truly owe her so much, and as I'm nearing the end of the high school experience I notice that I will miss her a lot when I move out on my own or when I go to some other college or school out of state (if that is what life holds in store for me, I have no clue.) But, this is just a little thank you to all the mom's of the world. Thank you from all of the kids around the world for everything you do. I love you mom!! =]

Elated!

Its amazing that one guy, one person can make me smile, and then I go to all of these lengths to just get a glance or a smile from him. I don't want this to sound cliche but I really do get butterflies when I see or talk to him. Normally I dress in a relaxed fashion, you know, sweatshirts, jeans and tees. But today I dressed in a collared shirt, nice dress pants, and a leather jacket that looks as if you were to go to an interview in. I got up early, did my make-up (and for all of you that don't know me I NEVER wear makeup besides Proms, and holidays) just for this guy. I don't even know if he has the same interests in me...I do hope so but I cannot allow myself to go so head over heels for this classmate that might reject me. It feels like he's out of my league but I just hope that everything works out. He seems interested, and my other teacher said that she has taken a notice to the chemistry between us (she was one who convinced me to dress like this :) and I thank her) but I'm too shy to really ask him anything. Never have I been so confused, excited for what is to come between us, I can hope for the best, but I expect the worst.

Truly Remarkable

The beauty of this world. One small aspect can influence a person's mood for the whole day. When I awoke this morning a sense of sloth enveloped me. I don't wish to attend high school any longer, I don't want to go to school period! But when seeing the rain, something we get a lot of but nonetheless need, I couldn't help but smile. The soft pitter-patter of the rain on the roof of my family's lovely home, or on the top of my vehicle somehow brought a sense of happiness to me. I don't know how to explain it, but it did. The gentle drips brings peace to my mind though the world around me is constantly changing. With my high school career ending, and my "new life" beginning it brought me comfort to know something in this place hasn't changed and was able to show me the regularity of the rain. No matter how hard or soft the drops hit the windows, panneling and sides of a home it still is just rain. The zen of my world, the truly peaceful thing that keeps the stresses away and relaxes me, rain. The smallest things amuse simple minds as some people say, I beg to differ. Things that we may deem as "simple" are a phenomenon, many things had to of taken place in order for this to happen. I never would have thought that I would say something like this, but nature is beautiful in each and every way. I don't know how I couldn't have seen the beauty around me before.

Life

Life is so quickly fleeting, every time we breathe a moment goes by. One more minute closer to our demise, though we forget about this due to the stresses of life. How can it be that we lose a loved one when someone else in this world is so set on destroying other's lives? How can the people we love most be the ones who must suffer due to sickness or a cruel twist of fate that leaves us all behind, pondering the true meanings of life and what our purpose is? With power and life comes great responsibility, with every action we choose affects those around us...the world can change on one person's ambitions or goals. When we lose our will or what keeps us going, we essentially lose the will to live. While I'm sitting here typing this up I think of how my actions have brought me to this point. How I lost my grandma, and am slowly losing my great-grandmother to dementia while some money hungry family wreckers walk away scott-free. I cannot help but think that somehow I've caused this outcome, perhaps I wasn't as good as a granddaughter as I could have been. Maybe by me not seeing my grandmother in her later years caused her to slip into that depression that made her lose her will. She told us on Thanksgiving of last year that she was dying, and we pushed it off saying that isn't true, feeding false lies to ourselves...but she knew. I miss her...and so many of us take life for granted each and every day. When looking into her face in her last four days, I realized how life can end so quickly...how every moment we have has to count, for we will never have anything like it ever again. How every person we come in contact with has their own story, has their own struggles and their own lives that seem to spread out and effect others. I may be young or inexperienced but I've seen death, face to face, and I know that we all have to enjoy our lives. Don't hold grudges, life is too short.